just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
