So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
