We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
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It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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