i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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