Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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