you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
