Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
