yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
