Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't think brook has ever known best
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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