Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
