So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
