Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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