Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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