he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
