So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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