I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
