Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
