Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
