The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
