And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
