Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
