There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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