I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm bleeding and have questions
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
