He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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