Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
