Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
