I'm eating all of the evidence.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
