You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
