You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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