He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
