All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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