Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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