Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
