I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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