I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
