Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
