Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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