I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
they're like a gay fantastic four
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
