K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
