omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
