Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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