Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
