Already got asked if we're dating
there was a trapeze. enough said
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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