he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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