the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
