Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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