Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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