I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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