Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
