Your dad touched me again.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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