yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
