Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
