You're completely useless in the revolution.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
