the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
