alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have post one night stand depression
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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