the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
