I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
