Do you still have your period?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
