dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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