I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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