If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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