dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
