White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?