I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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