Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.