What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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