I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
