i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
