and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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