C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
soo... how was my night?
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