Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
