i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
