your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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