booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
