Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
