i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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