When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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