I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just found a bag of teeth...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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