I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
