I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
