Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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