Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
