the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY