Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head