I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.