GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Still dying that you shit outside
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
