if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up